THE HEALING ART OF GRIEF

Whether you're grieving a pet that has passed away recently, or decades ago---

An empowering new take on the grieving process- an encore performance I did with the wonderful interviewer and animal communicator, Janet Roper, host of Talk2theAnimals.

Please join Thursday, August 1 at 1:00- Central Daylight Time by clicking right HERE
(don't forget to figure your own time zone!)

The Depth Of Our Love

Originally written for and reprinted here with permission from: The Dog Files

The Depth Of Our Love

By Nadine M. Rosin For The Dog Files

There’s little if anything I can think of that brings more instantaneous joy than time spent with a beloved dog. That silly grin, that waggedy tail, the rush you get from flinging your heart wide open without fear or reservation while simultaneously being showered with totally accepting, faithful, and unconditional love. What perfect and precious moments our dogs provide. It’s the stuff great mystics have described, this safe and blissful love.

Our furry apostles are constantly reminding us that regardless of circumstances, worldly events, or economic climate, life is supposed to be fun. It’s to be lived with our awareness seated in the present moment without regret, judgment or betrayal of others. One never needs to protect oneself emotionally with a dog. Instead, they show us by example, how to live freely and love completely.

There have been people in my life who have done or said things that I’ve reacted to by feeling extremely hurt, sad, angry, or irritated, sometimes for years on end. But the truth is, I have never felt irritated or angry towards a dog for more than a few seconds. Our canines embody the highest, best parts of our humanity, and I believe, they make us better people. So, is it any wonder, then, that the death of a beloved dog can cut so deeply, can be so utterly emotionally devastating?

Taoists, quantum physicists, and motivational speaker and author, John Bradshaw, all agree that emotion is energy in motion. But instead, in our culture, we are encouraged to keep our grief, one of the strongest of all emotions, under control, private, and subdued. Above all, we are admired for our stoicism in the face of profound grief. Those who care for us strive to help us get over our pain and loss as quickly as possible- to stop all that emotion, not to take the longer road of letting it move around and out at its own pace. And as pet parents, we are often hurt the worst by the words of well-intentioned friends when they ask us, “So when are you going to get another dog?”

When my heart-dog Buttons, died in my arms 1 week before her 19th birthday, I thought the pain, loss and heartbreak would kill me, too. But as I began to spend less and less time listening to those who were trying to make me feel better, and instead, spent more time surrendering to and leaning INTO the pain, it took me to a place where I could begin to find true, authentic comfort. I found that when I let the emotions move through me and allowed myself to experience them fully, they allowed me access to a place within my own heart that no mantra or meditation had ever taken me to. And there, in that very deepest part of myself, where the agony and the ecstasy merged, there was no pain- there was only love. Because, of course, the depth of our grief is in direct proportion to the depth of our love.

In the nearly 2 decades we were together, I never once saw Buttons try to squelch any of her emotions. Yes, I could have gone out soon after her death, gotten another dog and eased some of my pain, but oh, what a gift I would have missed by not letting that pain lead me into such a deep and special place.

I am honored to be a guest writer for The Dog Files and I look forward to sharing more about my perspective of pet-loss, grieving, and the holistic approach that gave Buttons and me so many joyful and healthy years together. In future columns I will be sharing about the cancer Buttons was diagnosed with at the age of 8 when she was given 6 weeks to live without chemotherapy, radiation and amputation and how she went on to thrive an additional 11 years with exclusively holistic treatments. I will also explore with you, the many tools and paths to emotional healing I have discovered when a beloved animal passes.

But now it’s your turn. Please, share with us about your own heart-dog. Talking about it is a way to put the energy in motion.

A SPIELBERG CHRISTMAS (dedicated to Carmie & Yvonne)

To every pet parent, I remind you to pull out the video camera this holiday and be sure to get lots of extra footage of your beloved animal.

To those pet parents who may be going through their first holiday after the passing of a 4-legged son or daughter, I encourage you to honor your grief by letting it breathe, rather than trying to stuff it in. You don't have to pretend to be happy.

To all of you, I offer this excerpt from my book,
The Healing Art of Pet Parenthood:

"After seeing the article, my friend, Hanna, whose mother had recently passed, called, and in the course of conversation, encouraged me to borrow a video recorder. She shared that in her grief, the only thing that could bring her any comfort at all was the one video she had of her mom at a recent holiday dinner. She explained that while watching the video, it was as if her mind was tricked into thinking her mom was still alive. Of course Hanna knew intellectually that wasn’t true but still, for those few minutes while she viewed the tape, saw her mother in action and heard her voice, she was offered some relief from her otherwise debilitating emotions.

After hanging up I called my friend Laurie who owned a video camera. She was also an avid dog lover. As the mother of a young son, Laurie had once shared with me that after having lost one beloved dog, in her heart, she suspected that the pain was no less than that of losing a human child. I was incredibly moved by her extremely bold and candid opinion. It was something I’d always believed, but having no human children of my own, it was not a statement I felt qualified to make. Maybe it was a more commonly held opinion than many were comfortable with or willing to admit.

The filming marathon began with Buttons in the yard walking and peeing. It continued with her in the apartment eating, drinking, and pacing. Soon, in full Spielberg mode, I set the camera up on a tripod and filmed my waking her up in the morning to go outside, us in the rocking chair while I sang her to sleep, me giving her a bath, drying her, and brushing her. I added the tapes to the Santa Cruz redwood hike video and some earlier tapes of Butts at around three years old in the park and at my cousin’s. Deep inside I knew, no matter how many hours of tape I accumulated, they wouldn’t come close to filling all the hours of grieving waiting for me somewhere up ahead."


Wishing you vibrant health
and precious moments-
Nadine (and Buttons)